There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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