New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
