God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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