i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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