you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
