Screwed.edu
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
