I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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