Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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