this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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