My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
