You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
