When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
