the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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