I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
