i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
