I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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