Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
