Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
