Whod you bang
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
