Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
