Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
