That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
