If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
