I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
