I hate your face
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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