I want to stick my p in your. b.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
