this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
