Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
