I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
