When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
