My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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