Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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