make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
