can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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