he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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