So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
