In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
