I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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