i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
