oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
How does one acquire holy water?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
