two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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