I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
