Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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