I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
