i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
