Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
