he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
