I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
