Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
