apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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