Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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