Your mouth is God's brothel.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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