Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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