just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
