Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
