I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
