sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
