Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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