This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
