I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
